Your parents were always there to support you and always wipe your tears. What happens when the tables turn and your mother or father is the one that needs you? It may not be a matter of taking care of them physically or helping them with their activities of daily living; it could be something just as serious. They could be depressed.
Depression is a very serious condition and although treatable, never underestimate its importance. As per Bob Murray, PhD. and Alicia Fortinberry, MS, depressive disorders affect 18.8 million Americans each year, which is about 9.5% of the United State’s population. What’s surprising is that 80% of these individuals are not seeking treatment.
How do you know if your parent is depressed? Perhaps you notice some of these symptoms:
- Sad, moody or irritable
- Not caring about anything anymore
- Loss of interest in work or hobbies
- Mentions they feel helpless
- Expresses negativity
- Complains about physical pain (head, stomach or back)
- Fatigued often
- Lack in social behavior
- Sleeping patters have changed
- Weight gain or loss
- Forgetful or absentminded
- Drinking and/or abusing drugs (pain killers, sleeping pills, etc.)
Do not take some of these symptoms personally. When someone is depressed it is difficult for them to connect to people emotionally and intellectually to other individuals.
The hardest part for a child is talking to their parent about their state of mind. A parent may be stubborn, which makes communicating much more complicated and starting the conversation is always the most difficult step. I am not experiencing this problem with my parents personally, but I have a friend who is and has confided in me. My advice to my friend would be to never approach your parent angrily or distressed. You do not want your mother or father to think that you are placing blame on them or indicating that they are a bad parent. Be calm and assertive. You can approach them and tell them that you are concerned about them, possibly even stating that you noticed some differences in them lately and wanted to talk. I would imply asking them questions that specify when they started feeling unhappy and asking how I can help and support them because they’re important to me. I would assume that by asking questions and listening, it will give them a sense that they are being heard.
Be prepared with exactly what you want to say. If you are unprepared, you may say things that you should truly avoid. As per HelpGuide.org, never tell them that it’s all in their head and that it’s just a phase. Never make it as if they should be getting better quickly and to snap out of it. Also, do not use a cliché like, “Just look at the bright side”. Clichés like these will not help them feel any better, if anything it just may irritate them more.
Although you can help your parent with their depression, ultimately it is up to them to help themselves. Again, as per Drs. Murray and Fortinberry on UpliftProgram.com, your parents can seek treatment from a medical professional. You can help them by finding a therapist or psychiatrist and/or going with them for their first appointment. If your parent decides to go to a psychiatrist, he or she may prescribe them an antidepressant. Although this may help them, Murray and Fortinberry claim that medication only helps about 30% of the depressed population. However, according to several sources, this percentage is constantly up for debate. Besides seeking medical attention, health professionals suggest strengthening relationships with spouses, children, family and friends. They can also attend a support group that will enforce optimism in a non-judgmental surrounding. More techniques that are often recommended include sensible exercise, meditation and/or prayer and spending time with pets or out in nature. Experiencing these activities can assist in supporting their mental state and could possibly help them heal.
You may be an older or younger adult child, but no matter the age, it may be time to step up and help your parent deal with their depression. By truly being there for your mother or father and helping them help themselves, you can be saving them and helping them recover, giving them their quality of life back.
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