I was fortunate enough to have known all 4 of my grandparents as well as two of my great-grandparents. As the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family, and the oldest granddaughter for some years until my sisters were born, I was the recipient of a great deal of doting attention. I will always hold close these rich and wonderful memories of the times spent with all of my grandparents.
My paternal grandparents were the “fun” grandparents. My father worked with his father in the family manufacturing business so I spent many outings visiting the factory and sharing a desk with Grandpa Steve. It was literally at his knee where he taught me to add numbers on the adding machine, to play pinochle and gin rummy and answer the company switch board. Grandma Peggy showered attention on her oldest grandchild and when her twinkling blue eyes shone on me, my world was right. They were both immigrants from Hungary and when they didn’t want me to know what they were talking about they would often speak in Hungarian.…..Somehow I never learned to speak or understand a word.
They downsized from the rambling house in Queens, NY to a “cool” apartment in NYC’s Greenwich Village. Weekend visits with them included exploring museums, art galleries and the little bistros of the Village. Once retired, they moved for the winter months to Florida and it was there that many special memories were made for my sisters and me. Our family’s long plane journeys to the Miami, FL of the 50’s and 60’s culminated in days and weeks spent in their swimming pool amongst my grandfather’s orange and grapefruit trees, smashing open coconuts, waking to the smell of his famous French toast that he learned to cook while serving in WWI, learning to sail and learning to speak Spanish taught to us by their many Cuban friends.
Their yearly summer visits north were filled with gifts, fun outings to the beach or to the mountains, and feasts of Hungarian pastries and sweets.
It Grandpa Steve who taught me to fish off the waters of Montauk Point, NY or in the swamps of the Everglades. It was Grandma Peggy who taught me to knit and who knew me best…..who told me, before I even knew it, that I was pregnant with my first child, who knew when to show me the attention I was missing when I was feeling jealous of my new baby sister. My memories of President Kennedy’s assassination will forever be linked to the comforting hugs of Grandma Peggy who was caring for my sisters and me that week while my parents were away.
And it was Grandma Peggy who taught me about caregiving as my grandfather battled a brain tumor that had caused Parkinsonian and dementia symptoms. He died on the operating table. Grandma Peggy’s patience, dedication, and the humor she showered on him help to erase the memories of the decline I’m sure she abhorred. And as she aged, moving into assisted living, she continued to display that grace and dignity that I will always remember.
My maternal grandparents were the “not so fun” grandparents. They would make the weekly visit from the city to the suburbs where we lived next door to my mother’s sister and her family. There they would decamp between the two houses spending time with my sisters and my 4 cousins. We were a large brood clamoring for their attention. Because their visits were quite frequent I probably took them for granted. They were often the surrogate parents providing discipline and order when our parents were gone from home.
Grandpa Sidney was small in stature, a stern yet sweet man who had little to say. Yet when he spoke one listened to very wise and insightful comments. Grandma Eleanor was nicknamed “Duchess” by her housekeeper and it was the name that my father fondly continued to use. She epitomized the family matriarch for my sisters, cousins and me. It was she who for years to follow my grandfather’s passing continued multiple family traditions including the preparation of Thanksgiving dinner for our extended family.
It was Grandma Eleanor we relied on to sew our costumes for the school plays or Halloween. She was a formidable woman who provided wisdom and structure to our time together. She had an opinion on everything, often provocative, and was sure to evoke strong emotions when current events were a topic.
As a woman before her time she led the entire Queen’s, NY region of Hadassah for many years where she garnered many awards and accolades, and led many delegations to Israel. Well into her 80s and 90s she attended and led meetings and conferences.
It was Grandma Eleanor who I now look back on as the person who most validated me, inspired me and has been the role model whose example I have looked to both personally and professionally. As I embark on my own role as Grandma to my grandchildren it is my memories of her that I look to mirror.
And as I look back on these wonderful times I know that one of the most important legacies that all of my grandparents left for me, my husband, my sisters, my cousins and now my children is that of the importance of family. It is this legacy that I hope to continue to pass on to my children and grandchildren.
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